do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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