ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it glows. i had to have it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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