dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
