Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
