I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
