Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.