yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.