If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency