dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
