Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(972): View more from Texas

Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.

Fav 20 2735 992
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.

Fav 7 782 2486
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(760): View more from California

I wish they had nachos that got you drunk

Fav 17 4770 903
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

Fav 16 5528 3872
share tweet
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(319): View more from Iowa

Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter

Fav 31 9710 1615
share tweet
(707): View more from California

Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.

Fav 6 3443 1268
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(205): View more from Alabama

I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

Fav 9 1336 2631
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(719): View more from Colorado

He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."

Fav 10 2245 955
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(647): View more from Ontario

Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?

Fav 2 343 454
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT