mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
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You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years