One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
