1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
