I just threw up on my dentist
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
