i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just pee around me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
