I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
