Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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