well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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