Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Green mimosas i think yes
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
