About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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