OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
