Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
