I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
where are my eyebrows?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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