Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
