Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
