People in love make me want to vomit
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
