The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
