I wish I could teleport
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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