Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
