So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
