i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
