your parents love me but you hate me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He did a backflip because drugs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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