He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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