why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
