if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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