there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
