Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
