When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
