Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
