Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
