Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
