She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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