I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize