Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
