8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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