Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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