omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
