Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
