i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
