You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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