Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
