How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
