I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
