I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
