I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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