Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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