Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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