Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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