do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
