why do cheetos always look like penises
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
