Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
