Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
