My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
