So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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