I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
