He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
