Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
