Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
